Halloween Humour

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Website of the week - Library Thing

Summer reading made easy!

LibraryThing helps you create a library-quality catalog of your books. You can do all of them or just what you're reading now. And because everyone catalogs online, they also catalog together. LibraryThing connects people based on the books they share.

Adding books to your catalog is also easy. Just enter some words from the title, the author or an ISBN. You don't have to type everything in. LibraryThing gets all the right data from Amazon.com and over 690 libraries around the world, including the US Library of Congress. Just click on the book to add it to your catalog.

http://www.librarything.com

Website of the week - Mother's Day 2011

Ecards: http://www1.bluemountain.com/category.pd?path=35215

An alternative to e-cards:

http://www.poemsforfree.com/mothersdaypoems.html

Homemade cards & crafts:

http://crafts.kaboose.com/mothers-day-cards.html

Thanksgiving Humor

If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
Because they never learned good table manners!

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.



Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.



'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
but I just couldn't sleep...
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees...
Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.



Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."



A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Website of the week - Open Library

"One web page for every book ever published. It's a lofty but achievable goal.

To build Open Library, we need hundreds of millions of book records, a wiki interface, and lots of people who are willing to contribute their time and effort to building the site.

To date, we have gathered over 20 million records from a variety of large catalogs as well as single contributions, with more on the way.

Open Library is an open project: the software is open, the data are open, the documentation is open, and we welcome your contribution. Whether you fix a typo, add a book, or write a widget--it's all welcome. We have a small team of fantastic programmers who have accomplished a lot, but we can't do it alone!"

Want to help? Be sure and read the FAQ's for how it all works!

http://openlibrary.org/

Peter Benchley - Jaws (1974)

Benchley's novel, while better known as the source material for Steven Spielberg's classic movie, has earned its own stripes as a small gem of suspense fiction. With another summer fast approaching, audio listeners may be interested in revisiting the town of Amity, Long Island, and getting back in the water. The experience, of course, is markedly different from Spielberg's film, offering shocks less visceral and more contemplative. Read by John Guerrasio for BBC 7 Radio UK.

Website of the week - Fave Diets (with free cookbook!)

Are you looking to lose a few pounds in time for beach season? This site can help.

http://www.favediets.com/

Sign up for the newsletter and get recipes delivered right to your inbox. Or pick a category and explore the different diets and recipes. Bon apetit!

The Ultimate List of Healthy Snacks: 40 Healthy Snack Recipes Free eCookbook here: